Literally, Genevieve Clare

The Concrete is Always Greener

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:00:00 -0400

I sometimes get lovely emails from readers conveying something along the lines of “I’m so jealous, your life seems so exciting. It makes me want to move from [small town] to NYC.” First of all, I’m not sure what is conveying so much excitement - probably the conversations my boyfriend and I have about hairbands falling in the toilet.

But I totally get that the John Mayer middle-of-the-night personal concert isn’t the type of thing that can happen in Madison, Wisconsin. Actually, knowing John (which I do, INTIMATELY, WE ARE BEST FRIENDS), it could.

What’s funny though, is that I spend at least half an hour a day peering into people’s lives that couldn’t be further from my own with that same sort of envy. I read the baby blogs of girls I barely knew in college, who are posing in beach pictures with a baby in their arms and another one on the way. They are wearing soft jersey knit dresses and squinting into the sun, one foot on its tip-toe to balance the weight of a Osh-Koshed munchkin on their hip.

Do I want that life? Did I choose that life? A big, loud, resounding NOT YET. But I certainly look on with a sense of unfulfilled nostalgia. The backdrops of their Facebook pictures are adorable starter homes and back porches. Mine are hipster bars and coffee shops. Their cars have stale french fries stuck between the leather seats, but the A train’s crevices are residence to a growing number of bed bugs. Crickets sing them to sleep each night while the dull hum of the bar across the street is my lullaby.

New York City is even better than everyone says it is. And I would even go so far as to say that I no longer have a love/hate relationship with this city – in fact, I think it has become just LOVE LOVE LOVE.

But consider this. I got to ride in a car (a real, live temperature-controlled, personal-space-providing, above-ground, homeless-person-free car) for about two and a half hours this weekend and I swear to God, I almost burst into tears when I had to get out.

To anyone who thinks this big city life I’m living is so great – I promise you, someone thinks yours is great too. So that must mean they both are.

The next time you’re driving to Target with the windows down, and you have to turn up the volume because the wind is muffling John Mayer’s voice on the radio, just know that I am very, very jealous.

Fourth & Fifth Grade Poems

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:22:00 -0400

My mom emailed me these pictures yesterday and said, “Your dad and I found these while cleaning out my desk and have been DYING laughing all afternoon.”

My brother’s poem:

The emotional depth here is astounding. Please note the subtlety of “Buster (my dog).”

And then there’s mine:

Light and breezy. Apparently every poem in the collection is accompanied by a drawing except mine, because I chose to let it speak for itself. This is who I’ve been my whole life. THIS.

I bet there are other poems in a box in our basement that read something like this:

NIGHTIME IN HOUSTON

Lights keep flashing

past my window.

My mom says airplanes,

but I know better.

UFOs filled with aliens,

on their way to kill us all.

SAFETY NEVER TAKES A VACATION

Tip-toe down the hall,

looking through the crack in her door.

Double checking

that my sister hasn’t been Jon Benet-ed.

She’s safe for tonight.

Cleaning up my Facebook profile and realizing that Kate and I...

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:36:00 -0400

Cleaning up my Facebook profile and realizing that Kate and I bring a TON of diversity to the table when it comes to posing for pictures and hair color.

Sin Bin: Lovebirds Edition

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:59:00 -0400

me: Hey, Kate is coming over after work today and we are getting manis/pedis, so we can do all that trip planning stuff tomorrow night.
Pete: Tomorrow night is date night.
me: Well, it might just have to be taking care of biznass night.
Pete: No - date night is DATE NIGHT.
me: Okay, then we can get all the chores done Friday night.
Pete: Friday night is grilling out night!
me: PETE.
Pete: Babe - we love each other. We can spend two nights in a row eating together.
me: Ughhhh, I just want to play with my new iPad alone.
Pete: I know you do.
me: Okay bye. Don't come home early and bug me and Kate.

iMom

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:01:38 -0400

Mom: What are you doing?
me: Walking back from the Apple store. I just picked up our iPad.
Mom: Oh cool. Which one did you get?
me: Just the WiFi one, not the one with 3G.
Mom: Right, because of the glasses.
me: What do you mean?
Mom: You have to wear 3G glasses to see the 3G one, right?
me: Are you being serious?
Mom: Wait. I think I’m confused.
me: I have to go.
Mom: Wait! I got confused!! I thought it was 3D! Genna, do not put this on your…
me: [hang up]

New celebrity baby crush. I’ve seen these two walking...

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:00:00 -0400

New celebrity baby crush.

I’ve seen these two walking around the city three or four times, and he is even cuter in real life.

G-Chat: We Are Not Normal Edition

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:32:19 -0400

Kate: Also, I got a haircut this weekend.
me: Thank God.
Kate: Imagine me raising my hand to strike you.
me: Imagine me blocking it and then twisting your arm around behind your back.

How Not to Quit Your Job

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:53:00 -0400

me: I just really feel like this is the right thing for me.
Boss Who I Love: I know, and I'm excited for you.
me: And I swear that's not a bullshit talking point. I know I sound like LeBron James right now.
BWIL: Wait, so we're loser Cleveland and the new company is Miami?
me: NO! Oh my God, no. I just meant that I sounded like him.
BWIL: I know.
me: I just need a mothereffing championship. [basketball shooting and championship ring motions]
BWIL: Too soon.
me: [shaking my head] Too soon.

In Which I Share This Week's Lessons

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:35:00 -0400

MONDAY

Activity: Quit my job. I LOVE my job but accepted a new one that I think I’m going to love even more.
Key Learnings: Telling wonderful people you’re leaving is like breaking up with a hot, funny, kind boyfriend 25 times in a row. Also, do not use a joke comparing yourself to LeBron James while giving your notice. Also, great things really do happen when you least expect it.

TUESDAY

Activity: Took a “high-speed” train to Boston for a business presentation with my boss.
Key Learnings: There is no such thing as a “high-speed” train, and Boston is on the water.* Also, do not ask your boss if Boston is on the water.

*DO NOT JUDGE ME. Somehow U.S. history slipped through the cracks of my education because we moved around so much. But I did have six years of Texas history, so ask me anything about the Alamo. ANYTHING.

WEDNESDAY

Activity: Stayed out until 2 am with my coworkers.
Key Learning: Pretty Little Liars is still scary after seven cocktails and it is even scarier at 3 am.

THURSDAY

Activity: Participated in a company teambuilding Amazing Race around the city.
Key Learnings: It is possible to eat an ice cream cone while running through the streets of Midtown. It’s also possible not to feel any guilt when you disappear into the crowd of Times Square, abandon your team and cab it home to watch Bethenney Getting Married.

FRIDAY

Activity: Went to work.
Key Learning: Secretly using your cube and other parts of the office as storage for your winter clothes, linens and shoes will one day come back to bite you in the ass.

Thursday.

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:03:00 -0400

me: Let’s go see that movie tomorrow night. Wait tomorrow is Thursday right? Is today Thursday?
Kate: Today is Thursday. And I am Kate and this is New York City. Have you had a chance to catch up on the Bach?
me: YES.
Kate: What was up with Frank's camisole? I decided since he is a "retail manager" that he works at Lucky Brand.
me: I think he manages a Radio Shack.
Kate: Cape Cod Chris or bust, I say.
me: Roberto or bust.
Kate: Ali gets veneers or bust. The rest I can live with.

(via vneckandacardigan)

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:17:26 -0400

(via vneckandacardigan)

Oh, hello. I’m back.

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:15:00 -0400

Oh, hello. I’m back.

This is Tuesday. Next goal: Ordering a smoothie.

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 13:56:11 -0400

This is Tuesday.

Next goal: Ordering a smoothie.

Chip Off the Old Block

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:44:00 -0400

It’s pretty well documented here that I’m a lot like my mother. But lately I’ve realized I’m also turning into my dad and it’s starting to scare me.

Exhibit A: Kate and I cleaned our plates while brunching yesterday, and when the waitress came by to ask how everything was, I responded, “Ugh, it was awful. We hated it.” AND THEN I LAUGHED BECAUSE I CRACKED MYSELF UP.

Exhibit B: Someone stole my good pen from my desk at the office today and when I realized it, I said “Dagnabit Little Luke.” OUT LOUD.

Exhibit C: I was on the phone with my dad the other night while he was running errands, and he said he’d just bought the best thing ever. I interrupted him because I’d just bought my own best thing ever at the Container Store and I thought he should go get one too. When I told him, we realized we had bought the exact same thing. A LUGGAGE SCALE.

Pretty soon I’m going to start whistling Hall & Oates songs as I walk through the kitchen just to see if my mom will smack me and say “STOP WHISTLINGGGGG!”

Teen Mom Season 2 Trailer Little Bintley is getting a new...

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 21:25:25 -0400

Teen Mom Season 2 Trailer

Little Bintley is getting a new daddy.

Sin Bin: Client Entertaining Edition

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 21:12:00 -0400

me: I can't find the remote.
Pete: Maybe it's under these pillows...nope.
me: Let's watch a movie On Demand! Because we can do whatever we want!
Pete: Okay, maybe I brought it into the kitchen...no.
me: Oh I found it! It was in my left hand!
Pete: Perfect.
me: There are no good movies. Oh, Avatar!
Pete: Did you get roofied tonight?

I had a couple of drinks with a client after work and came home...

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 20:50:00 -0400

I had a couple of drinks with a client after work and came home and pulled this stunt. Except mine sounded like this:

“I love my life! I love my boyfriend! I love the Real Housewives! I love my family! I love my apartment! I love my new media console! I love Otto pizza! I love prosecco! I love my job! I love central air conditioning! I love my friends! I love my manicure! I love arugula! I love my hair because it’s thick again! I love Target shipping emails!”

I now know definitively that Lindsay and I are soulmates. THIS...

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 12:44:56 -0400

I now know definitively that Lindsay and I are soulmates. THIS was like reading my brain.

John Mayer @ Village Underground last week

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:11:00 -0400

John Mayer @ Village Underground last week

Just look at this sweet baby dancing. dearbaby: (Song:...

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 11:45:29 -0400

Just look at this sweet baby dancing.

dearbaby:

(Song: Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson Choreography: Everly Veda Jordan)