March 2010
26 posts
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The Beach
I will never own a beach house. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I hate the beach. It started with a traumatic incident in childhood, but has continued throughout my adult life and I would be happy as a clam (get it) if I never set foot in an ocean again.
When I was six, we took our annual summer vacation to Kiawah Island with our family friends, whose daughter Mary was about my...
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Sin Bin: Pillow Talk Edition
Pete: Good morning. How did you sleep?
me: I had a really good dream that John Mayer fell in love with me.
Pete: Another one?
me: Yeah, but this one was really realistic.
Pete: I’m sure it was. Were you disappointed when you woke up next to me?
me: Of course not, doll. I was devastated.
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Follow This Blog: Quarter Life Coe →
My friend Danielle slept in the top bunk in our miniature dorm room overlooking the quad at Wake Forest. And when we ventured to London for our semester abroad, I found that I could sleep just as easy in our South Kensington flat overlooking the Natural History Museum, as soon as I heard her crawl into that familiar space three feet above my head.
Danielle just moved to Chicago with her husband...
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Sin Bin: My Boyfriend is a Senior Citizen Edition
Pete: I really like that new Lady Gaga song.
me: Which one? Telephone?
Pete: The one that goes oh, oh, oh, ohhhh.
me: You're going to have to be more specific.
Pete: [finds it on my iTunes and starts dancing in his desk chair]
me: Oh my God. That is Ke$ha, babe. And it's like three months old.
Pete: WHAT? [screaming over the music] Who is...OW!
me: What happened?
Pete: I just really hurt my neck. I can't move it.
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Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery, My...
It has come to my attention recently that there are some blog copycats out there. When I catch these people jocking my stuff, I get blackout rage-y for a minute (ALL CAPITAL LETTER style), but then decide that I will take The Highroad. The Highroad involves me gritting my teeth while I add them to my SLAMTROLLS WHO COPY ME list and record link comparisons of which posts they copied. I like to...
“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold,...”
– ~C. Dickens
(via caryrandolph)
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Interior Decorating is Exhausting
Mom: Did you call me?
me: No.
Mom: I’m on my way home from a meeting with my new client. Where are you, still at work?
me: No Mom, I’m done for the day. Just relaxing at home.
Mom: Okay, well can you get in front of a computer?
me: You know I’m joking, right?
Mom: What do you mean?
me: I mean of course I’m still at work.
Mom: You are? Why?
me: Because its 4:52 pm in the afternoon.
Mom: IT IS!?!?!
me: Yes.
Mom: No it's not... oh my God, it is! I hate working again. I thought it was 6 o’clock. I’m so freaking tired. And starving! Are you kidding me? I left for this meeting forever ago.
me: Okay, this is one of those situations where I have to hang up on you now.
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Well That Was Awkward, Part 776
It’s been another long day at work. I was on a conference call until 3:45 pm, so I just got around to ordering lunch – two smoothies, because that’s what I wanted and one isn’t enough when you eat lunch at 4 pm (or any time). I drank them back to back, entirely too fast, to the point where I was shaking uncontrollably and my lips were shivering. But don’t worry! I had the perfect...
Jay-Z and Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind
I...
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The Woman is S.T. Ruggling
[My mom was in rare form when she drunk dialed me and Pete last night.]
me: Well hello there, little miss.
Mom [sounding pathetic]: Hi.
me: How hungover are you?
Mom: Genna. I’m dying.
me: You were out of control last night.
Mom: I had to put the passenger seat all the way down and I was completely out by the time we got home.
me: Good lord woman.
Mom: Guess what. We met this couple whose son is an executive producer on The Office.
me: I know, we talked about it extensively last night.
Mom: Oh. I wish I could remember what their last name was.
me: Sullivan. Do you remember calling Pete a little bitch?
Mom: WHAT!? I did not.
me: Yes you did. You were on speaker.
Mom: What did I say?
me: You told him that you and Papa thought he was a really good person and said you were happy that we were together. And then you said, 'I’m just kidding, you’re a little bitch.'
Mom: Oh. Well...he must have been acting like a little bitch.
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