February 2010
24 posts
3 tags
Sin Bin: I'm Ruining Him Edition
Pete: [humming while sweeping the floor]
me: What song is that?
Pete: I don't know.
me: It sounds super familiar.
Pete: I think it's the theme to SportsCenter.
me: No...I wouldn't know that.
Pete: I'm not sure what it is.
me: This is going to drive me crazy. [start humming to try to figure it out]
Pete: OKAY FINE! It's the theme song to Guiliana & Bill. Now drop it.
“Find the bronzed Bilbo Baggins receptionist at People’s Rev and be with him when...”
– ~Email from Mrs. Loafers with the subject line: Mission for You
MISSION ACCEPTED.
WatchFunny or Die: Bobby Bottleservice
“A dragon raping a lion on a skateboard.”
PS: PG-rated readers might want to cut off the video at 3:00. IT IS SO HARD BEING A ROLE MODEL.
3 tags
Sin Bin: Breakfast Chat Edition
me: Hey babe, I forgot to tell you that I dropped a ponytail holder in the toilet yesterday and didn’t know what to do, so I just left it there and went to work.
Pete: Hey babe, I forgot to tell you that I had to reach my hand into the mothereffing toilet and pull out a ponytail holder yesterday when I got back from work.
me: I forgot to tell you that I love you!
Pete: I forgot to tell you that I hid the rest of your ponytail holders from you!
7 tags
A Few of My Favorite Things
I’ve recently discovered a few items that have changed my life, and I feel it’s my civic duty to inform you of them.
Hair Vitamins from Phyto
I think you’re all aware by now that after I made the Worst Decision in the History of Decisions, about a third of my hair fell out in the process of going back to blonde. A friend recommended that I try Phyto vitamins, so I bought them but had some...
“Recently, the highest court in South Africa handed down a decision ordering the...”
– ~Jon Stewart
This quote has been circulating everywhere today. As it should.
4 tags
“If you could try to keep your distance, that’d be great. I’m going to go work...”
– ~ Pete’s retaliation when I made him bop into American Eagle for a second this afternoon.
2 tags
Reason #825 I Love New York
A truck just pulled up in front of our building. Ten city workers jumped out, snow shoveled and salted the shit out of our entire block while blasting Jay-Z from the speakers and rapping in unison. All in under 5 minutes.
SNOW DAY IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
2 tags
4 tags
30 Day Shred
me: [sneaking towards the kitchen]
Pete: [not looking up from his computer] Babe, don’t do it.
me: Do what? I’m getting some carrots.
Pete: It’s not worth it.
me: What’s not worth it? The celery I’m about to eat?
Pete: Jillian is going to kick your ass tomorrow.
me: [attacking a bag of Stacy’s cinnamon sugar pita chips] You know what, Pete. I hate both you and Jillian, and I'm not concerned with what either of you think.
Pete: Well right now, all you’re shredding is that bag to pieces.
2 tags
“Rather than choosing an established/ evolved talent (Beyoncé) or a revolutionary...”
– ~ This made me feel like an asshole for loving TaySway.
3 tags
Reason #824 I Love New York
[Today I went to teeny hole-in-the-wall salon across the street from my apartment. Everyone in there was over the age of 60, and I was in heaven.]
My Hairstylist: Oh, so how did he think the Grammy's went?
Tiny old Jewish woman: Fine.
My Hairstylist: Did he have fun?
Tiny old Jewish woman: He doesn't really like sharing the stage. That's the first time he's done it at the Grammy's in a long time.
My Hairstylist: Oh really?
Tiny old Jewish woman: But he loves her, so he agreed to do it.
My Hairstylist: I thought they were both amazing. You know Lady Gaga started off playing at the bar down the street, right?
Tiny old Jewish woman: It was fine. I'm just glad I don't have to listen to him talk about it anymore.
3 tags
The Time I Almost Died for Oprah
At my last PR job in Atlanta, I worked for two clients – a global airline and a pest control company. Planes and bugs. Way too many bugs. I know, it’s shocking that I left to move to New York and drink wine for a living. If we’ve ever met, you know that I worship on the altar of Oprah. In terms of personal religion, it’s God and then juuust below him is Oprah. So when I had the opportunity to...
LiterallyGenevieveClare
partiallycommitted:
i just recommended you for the tumblr directory for humor blogs. while doing so, i received a warning and i had to check a box to accept that i understood:
genevieveclare is consistently hilarious (or at least very funny) and I understand that if it blatantly isn’t, my account may be suspended. :(...
Hallelujah
Pete: Babe, what are you listening to? Turn that crap off.
me: Are you kidding?
Pete: You know I don’t like religious music.
me: Okay, now are you kidding?
Pete: No.
me: It’s Justin Timberlake singing Hallelujah from the Hope for Haiti benefit.
Pete: No it’s not.
me: Have you honestly never heard this song before? It was all over the OC and has been played to death.
Pete: Nope, never heard it.
me: Fine, I’ll turn it off. But it means that you hate God, Justin Timberlake and Haiti.
Pete: That's ridiculous. You know I could never hate JT.