August 2009
27 posts
Bolt Bus
Friend: Please don’t be horrified if I bring a LOT of snacks on the bus to Philly on Thursday.
me: Are you kidding. The Bolt Bus is my fat kid safe zone. I basically rob a 7-Eleven beforehand.
Friend: Last time we went to DC, [friend] and I crushed a family-size bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos.
me: Standard.
Friend: There's a Quizno's near Penn Station, so I might hit that up.
me: I am not afraid to bring a full-sized Chipotle burrito on board.
1 tag
“I seriously looked BEAUTIFUL during labor. No lie. I had put on makeup and...”
– ~ my Mom’s email in response to the below post. Obviously.
Thoughts on Childbirth
After a particularly horrifying trip through a recent Facebook photo album, I’ve decided that there will be NO CAMERAS anywhere near the delivery room when I give birth (in the year 2018). I can assure you that no one - NO. ONE. - wants to see that. And to the husbands tagging the photos with “you’ve never looked more beautiful,” – I KNOW YOU’RE LYING. I’ve seen that same human hunched...
1 tag
True Confessions: Subway Edition
I am terrified of the subway. I’m aware that this is ridiculous and sort of embarrassing, especially now that I’ve lived in NYC for a while now, but there’s really nothing I can do about it. I am scared of the physical train, of the majority of people on the train and of the fact that the whole shebang happens 30 feet under the surface of the earth. Quite specifically, I’m afraid of: 1....
1 tag
The Today Show
me: Oh guess what. I'm going to the Today Show for work tomorrow.
Mom: What?? Oh, I’ll TiVo it so we can see you!
me: No, not like a tourist in the audience. I’m going to be in the studio.
Mom: You’re going to be on camera?!?
me: NO, Mom. I’m going to be with the producers, standing behind the camera.
Mom: Then you can jump out really quick during the segment and get on air! You have to do it.
me: Okay, I’m done with this conversation.
Mom: [noise in the background] Karen says she wants you to wave and say “Hi Karen!”
me: Oh my God. What are y'all doing?
Mom: Eating some chips in the kitchen. We’re about to go for a walk.
2 tags
Sin Bin: Domestic Bliss Edition
Pete: [separating laundry] We don't have very many quarters left. Should we try to squeeze it into two machines?
Me: Nah, I have cash so I’ll go get quarters from Tasti-D.
Pete: No, don’t do that. They make you buy something.
Me: What? They do not.
Pete: Well that’s what you said last time when I sent you out with a $20.
Me: Ohhhhhh. Yeah, so that was a lie. I just really wanted ice cream. Sorry, babe.
4 tags
Relationship Status: GET OFF ME.
Over the past few years, as my Facebook dashboard has evolved into Fetusbook and F-ingHugeRingbook, I’ve realized that I’ve grown further and further away from those things as I’ve gotten older. I think New York infantilizes you to a certain extent, and I’ve seen that in myself since moving out of the South. In college, my best friend Oscar and I had serious babysitting jobs in Winston-Salem. ...
1 tag
WatchIt is unnatural how happy this makes me. If Dillon was a real place, I’d move there tomorrow.
(via fridaynightlights)
I really need Brothers & Sisters to come back.
Sunday night TV sucks during the summer. I just watched TLC’s Treeman Meets Treeman and then Dateline’s To Catch a Predator. GOOD. LORD. I need to go watch at least half an hour of Friday Night Lights on DVD just to be able to sleep tonight.
1 tag
Connected
This has been a weird New York week for me.
On Wednesday, I met Mayor Bloomberg at a function at Gracie Mansion. On Friday, on my way to the grocery store, I walked onto a street full of firetrucks and ambulances surrounding a building on 5th Avenue. There were crowds of people looking up and when I looked confused, a girl explained to me that it was starting to collapse on the 17th floor. We...
Horse Sense
You know how they say horses can sense when it’s going to rain? I swear living in New York gives you the same power. I participated in way too many accidental wet t-shirt contests when I first moved here, so I now take umbrellas and rain boots very seriously. When I walked outside this morning, I caught myself sniffing the air like a dog and studying the clouds. “Concrete Jungle,” my ass. I...
Here's to You, Mrs. Peterson
I met Marshall when I was 13 and had just started at my new school in Atlanta. He was a BMOC and all the girls were in love with him. We took an immediate disliking to one another, which blossomed into a beautiful hate/hate relationship within a few weeks.
We fought incessantly that year, and I received five demerits after kicking him in the balls during PE. (Totally worth it.) We especially...
2 tags
Holy Sh*t, My Mom Went Viral →
I just called my mom to tell her and she yelled, “I’m with the contractor, WHAT IS JEZEBEL???”
Thanks to berryboo, pinkseersucker, shiningstar, partiallycommitted for telling me about it!
1 tag
Tumblr Date
Friend: Do you want to do dinner tomorrow night?
me: Can’t. I have a blog date.
Friend: What do you mean?
me: I’m going to drinks with a blogger friend.
Friend: You guys like hang out?
me: Well we haven’t met in real life yet.
Friend: You are so creepy.
me: I know. I feel like Chris Hansen is going to jump out and tell me I’m being arrested on “To Catch a Predator.”