June 2009
35 posts
“You can’t always get what you wawaant. But if you try sometiiiiimes, you...”
– ~ my dad (via the Rolling Stones) sang this to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I asked for something growing up
Wherein we stumble upon a movie set in Washington...
Me: Hey, can we stop and watch??
Boyfriend: Oh that's nice of you to pretend that I have an option.
Me: [Getting giddy and jumping up and down a little bit] What do you think it is?
Bystander #1: Harrison Ford is in town filming a movie. Maybe it's that.
Bystander #2: Gossip Girl has been filming downtown all day.
Me: [surveying the scene] Oh my God.
Boyfriend: What!?
Me: OH MY GOD!!!!!
Bystanders #1 and #2: What? Who is it??
Me: That is Adam Sevani.
Boyfriend: Who is that??
Me: THEY ARE FILMING MOTHEREFFING STEP UP 3!!!
[Bystanders #1 and #2 leave immediately.]
Me: Babe, I'll die if they do a dance sequence. I will fall on the pavement and DIE. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Boyfriend: Oh sweet Jesus.
3 tags
Words of Wisdom by Ginger
I want to be exactly like my mom when I grow up. Not that I have a choice. Here are a few gems of wisdom that she has bestowed upon me over the years.
When I asked if pregnancy is really as bad as it looks: “It’s worse. Those people who say they feel great after the first trimester are liars. And it’s not a glow. It’s sweat.”
When she saw me throwing a game of HORSE with a kid I was...
1 tag
Happy birthday to my beautiful mom, who is hands...
I can’t wait to grow up and be just as crazy as you are.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror
2 tags
Weasel.
Me: Oh my God, this traffic sucks. We’re going to miss our flight. This highway is like a parking lot.
My cousin Margeaux: Let’s play weasel!
Mom: How do you play that?
Margeaux: Every time you see a yellow car, you say “weasel!” and whoever gets the most points by the time we get there wins. But if someone sees a yellow Hummer, they win immediately.
[We see a few yellow cars, and everyone has about the same number of points. Until we pass the capital building in downtown Atlanta.]
Mom: Gold Capital! If you see a gold capital building, you win. Weasel!
Margeaux: I don’t think that’s one of the rules, Aunt Ginger.
Mom: You don't know about that rule?
Margeaux: I’m pretty sure it’s not part of the game. You only win if you see a yellow Hum...
Mom: It’s over, pumpkin. I won. Don't be a poor sport.
Me: Welcome to my childhood, Margeaux.
3 tags
EddiePhilJeanieMichaelMaciCappyJohnnyGingerRitaClar...
As I’ve mentioned before, my mom is one of eleven children. These days, having that many kids means that you’re an insane Octomom or you have a reality show detailing the dissolution of your marriage. But for our family, it just means that my grandparents were Italian and Catholic. It also means that you learn how to change a diaper shortly after you’re potty trained. And that the first thirty...
1 tag
What, are you sick of looking at Suri flip you the...
Well, I’m back from vacation. So there will soon be a picture of Suri doing something else.
Weekend Recap: Atlantic City Edition
Amount gambled: $1.00
Times I insulted Vanessa Minnillo in an elevator: 1
Number of Ed Hardy shirts spotted on the Boardwalk: 72
Times the DJ in the club yelled “All my Jersey ladies out celebrating a divorce tonight, say haaaay!”: 2,368
Total winnings: $4.52
Overall rating: VICTORY.
3 tags
Kate Gosselin Refuses to Water Her Children →
OH PLEASE. Kate Gosselin is not a monster. These people obviously did not grow up in the school of hard knocks. My mother is number eight of ELEVEN children. Here’s how my childhood went: Me (sobbing): “Mooooooooooom! Alex just pinched me and dug his fingernails into me and now I’m bleeeeeeeeeeding.” My mom: “Oh really? When I was your age, my brother tied me to a...
1 tag
Man vs. Wild
[Talking to my mom in Atlanta while she takes our dog out.]
Me: You should get that lip gloss from the Today Show. I wore it today and it’s amazing.
Mom: Well I went to two stores and I couldn’t find it. Hurry up, Zoe!
Me: How’s she doing? Let me talk to her.
Mom: No.
Me: What's that noise? I can't hear you. Is that a car alarm going off? Go inside.
Mom: Uh no, it’s a bird chirping.
Me: Oh. Well tell it to be quiet.
Mom: I think you’ve been in New York too long.
Someone owes me a lot of damn quarters.
Boyfriend: Guess what.
Me: What.
Boyfriend: I did all the laundry today to surprise you!
Me: YES.
Boyfriend: But after I put it in the washers, I got locked out of the laundry room.
Me: Oh.
Boyfriend: And now I have to go to that Riesling tasting and you have the key.
Me: So I have to rush back and finish it all?
Boyfriend: Yes.
Me: That's the worst surprise ever. I do not accept.
"New York is for hustlers." →
~Ricky Van Veen
Ricky (and a lot of the College Humor crew) was a couple of years above me at Wake. It’s funny to me that some of the kids I played Cranium with once are now major media scenesters in New York.
1 tag
Slow Learner
“It’s a city set on fire.” “There is no place like it in the world.” “I’m convinced there’s magic here.”
These are all things I heard my friends, coworkers and strangers say about New York City in my first year living here. But I just didn’t get it.
What’s on fire? The overloaded circuit in my jail cell apartment? The radiator behind my wall again? And what’s magic? Eating Cheerios four...
2 tags
A Few of My Favorite Blogs, Part 2
It’s a rainy Friday and I thought it might be a good day to share some more of my favorite blogs that I never ever read at work, ever. Most of these are tumblrs – just random people I’ve come across and enjoy reading their stories. Tumblr is like twitter – you can “follow” people and their posts get aggregated in a single dashboard, so it’s easy to follow several people and their updates. ...
Tomboy
It occurred to me this weekend when my boyfriend asked me nicely to please not wear my “lesbian purse” on our Saturday errands that even in my mid-twenties, I still have a 10 year-old tomboy in me.
And I’m not talking about being a cute tomboy. I hate when obviously girly girls pretend that they used to be awkward tomboys growing up. Sunkissed freckles, pigtails and OshKosh overalls do...
1 tag
Jackpot Blog Find of the Day: Suri Cruise is... →
This could easily be confused with my blog, so remember to check the web address while switching back and forth.
G-chat Confessions: I am Tim Allen Edition
me: Okay, I need you to not freak out.
Boyfriend: Oh lord.
me: I tried to fix the scratches on the floor, and I think I made them worse.
me: Actually, I know I made them worse.
Boyfriend: What! What did you do? How'd you try to fix them?
me: I can't tell you.
Boyfriend: Did you use nail polish remover?
me: Close.
Boyfriend: You took the polyurethane seal off, didn't you?
me: Affirmative.
Boyfriend: Genna!
me: Sorry! It's possible that I used my nail file to softly buff out the scratches. But it wasn't successful.
Boyfriend: I can’t imagine that it would be.
me: And then I tried to seal them back with Vaseline.
Boyfriend: Alright, you're not allowed to work from home any more. I can't trust you.
me: Okay, fair enough. Have a good rest of the day, bye!