February 2009
37 posts
1 tag
Why I Come Home
Mom: What do they keep saying in this song? I like it.
Me: Huh?
Mom: "Slap that bitch up?"
Me: No, Mom. It says "snap my picture." But you were close.
Mom: Oh. I like the other one better.
If you have HBO On Demand
Watch the Duke vs. Carolina documentary. So great.
Every. Single. Time.
I go to the airport, I get into a horrific smelling cab.
My cabs around the city generally smell of daisies and new puppies, but as soon as I have to go somewhere longer than twenty blocks, I get a revolting cab that hotboxes me to the point of semi-consciousness. The current odor in here is a combination of rotten eggs and raw meat. I just rolled down the window in the Midtown Tunnel to...
What Happens When You Make Your Boyfriend Catch Up...
[Grey's Anatomy]
me: Ohh my gosh. Poor Izzy.
Boyfriend: What? What's wrong with her? Is she pregnant? With a ghost baby?
[The City]
me: See, I told you. Jay is such a liar. Whitney needs to cut and run.
Boyfriend: Why do all these chicks have butt cuts?
Rchl Ry
KF: Rachel Ray is where you are. Meet her and ask her why she's so annoying.
me: Met her last night because she hosted our event. She has lost a lot of weight. Hella jeal.
KF: Never be jealous of Rachel Ray. Promise me that. She puts an extra "a" in her name, but do you see me typing it? No. On principle.
Frou Frou - Let Go
Also, this was amazing. →
Why They Pay Me the Big Bucks
Me: What do I say when they approach the table?
All the Spanish people around me: You say, "Su Majestad."
Me: [PANICKED practicing in my head.] Oh my God, I can't say it right with the accent. I'm going to mess it up.
Boss: Let's not say anything, let's just curtsey.
Me: Okay, good plan.
King of Spain: Hola. Qué tal?
Me: Hi.
MIA in Miami
Sorry I’ve sucked at blogging life lately. I’ve been planning an event in Miami and basically checked out of my life for the past month and a half.
Trust me, you haven’t missed anything. If I had been blogging it would have gone something like this:
Today I worked all day, ignored my friends’ phone calls, worked all night, had panicked dream about spilling red wine on the Queen of Spain, fell...
1 tag
CAPS LOCK runs in the family
[Texts between my mom and me last night]
me: Just finished watching Bros and Sisters – did you see previews for next week?!?
Mom: Yep. It looks like Robert dies. OR IS IT TOMMY since he is leaving the show?
me: Or…IS IT KITTY AND ROBERTS BABY?!?
Mom: No. Because did you see in the previews someone got hit by a car and he was wearing a suit. I don't think the baby is old enough for a suit yet.
me: I hope its Tommy. That's what he gets for slutting around with Sluttiena Miller.
Mom: Yeah. And that will get him out of the illegal mess he's in with Ohi.
me: I believe it's spelled Ojai. Also, I think Robert gets shot, not hit by a car. Like ASSASINATED.
Mom: Why?
me: For being such a dick to Kitty.
Mom: Kitty's annoying. I want to shoot HER.
me: Sally Fields needs to get her neck done.
Mom: I was thinking that too! Maybe she wants to grow old gracefully. I can respect that. Not going to do it. But can respect it.
Censored
My dad, who up until today I didn’t know read my blog, made me take down a someecard post this morning because it contained the word “m-effer.” He said my little cousins read the blog and that I need to be more PG-13. I said that he was stifling my creative voice and I had to stick it to the Man. But then I realized that he pays for my groceries at the end of the month when my...
Sara Bareilles - Love Song
In honor of V-day...
Restaurants Stop Playing Hard to Get
I’ve definitely noticed this lately.
Perfect example: Buddakan.
I know it’s kind of a touristy destination restaurant for Midwesterners who’ve seen too much Sex and the City, but if you go on a weeknight, it’s a totally different feel. I’ve been twice recently for work, and I’ve had an awesome experience both times. I made a reservation at the last minute last...
Trifecta
This has been a pretty good amateur paparazzi week for me: 1. Saw and then subsequently chased Will Ferrell running in Central Park. 2. Stood in line with Meryl Streep at Sara Beth’s in Chelsea Market. And for the pièce de résistance: 3. Ate dinner next to the Millionaire Matchmaker last night at Buddakan. I just had to Google like eight words in this post to make sure I spelled them...
Bright Side of the Recession →
In Defense
I’m getting my first round of blogging backlash today (I’m so big time), so I’ve got some ‘splainin to do. 1. I wrote the “25 Things I Love About My Boyfriend” a long time ago. BEFORE that stupid 25 Things phenomenon started on Facebook. It was a coincidence because he was turning 25 so I listed 25 ridiculous reasons why I keep him around. I also throw up in my mouth when people gush about...
T.I. featuring Rihanna - Live Your Life Am I the...
“Genna, the word is foolproof. And apparently, your spelling is not. I am...”
– email I just got from Boyfriend’s friend
Fullproof Plan. →
Penny Pinching
Me: That article said that David Axelrod used to live in your building.
Boyfriend: Oh cool, the baseball player.
Me: Wait, are you being serious?
Boyfriend: Yes. He’s a famous baseball player.
Me: Uh, no. He’s Obama’s chief strategist and top advisor.
Boyfriend: [Starts furiously Googling]
Me: Don’t even bother, you’re so wrong. Just put a penny in the jar.
Boyfriend: [Is betrayed by Google.] Fine.
Me: Ughhh, my knee is itching. At least it’s starting to heal.
Boyfriend: What are you talking about? Injuries don’t itch when they heal.
Me: I can already tell this is going to be a four penny kind of night.
Boyfriend: Oh no it’s not.
Me: FIVE.
Download Immediately
Lady Gaga featuring Flo Rida - Starstruck
For some reason I can’t upload it here. I know I have a girl crush on her right now and have posted like 5 of her songs, but trust me, just go buy it. You can thank me later.
For the three of you that wear leggings and Uggs, you will LOVE this.
2 tags
Today by the Numbers
I think you’d be surprised how many times your knee gets bumped, jostled and body slammed during an average day. I have:
Teared up three times.
Verbally assaulted twelve adult New Yorkers for touching my knee in some way.
Flat out cried once.
Verbally assaulted one six year old for bumping my knee on the subway.
Felt bad for three seconds while aforementioned six year old cried to...
“I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”
– Michael Scott
One Year.
I’ve officially lived in the city for one year now. This time last year, I was getting out of a cab in front of my apartment, dragging two huge suitcases through the rain, totally scared out of my mind.
Theoretically, this is where I’d reflect on how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve learned and how much I love this amazing city. But instead, I’ll just show you what...
