December 2009
32 posts
2 tags
Christmas Smackdown
(see previous)
I’ve just received this year’s rules and team assignments from Mr. Vahaly. All you need to know is that I’m on Team “The Situation.”
The battle takes place tomorrow night, and I have a feeling I’ll have no choice but to live-blog it.
2 tags
3 tags
1 tag
3 tags
Turtle & Meadow Soprano
me: Look, these two broke up. [show her a picture of Jerry Ferrara and Jamie Lynn Sigler in US Weekly]
Mom: Oh yeah, I already knew about that.
Megan (brother's girlfriend): [from across the room] Who?
Mom: Frog and Jamie Lee Zeegler.
me: I'm sorry, WHAT. Do you mean Turtle and Jamie Lynn Sigler?
Mom: Yeah, whatever... [sees me grabbing my computer] GENNA, DO NOT PUT THAT ON YOUR BLOG!
3 tags
Gone Christmasing...
Just a quick note to say that I’m taking a note from Sarah and probably won’t be blogging much over the holidays. I’ve got an important project I need to focus on, and I want to spend some quality time with my family and friends without anyone nervously asking, “Wait, are you going to blog that?”
That being said, unless my mom changes her entire personality over...
2 tags
Bingo. →
New York Times: Unbelievable Holiday Tales by Mindy Kaling
3 tags
2 tags
3 tags
Tranny Talk: Perfume Edition
I’ve mentioned before that half of my office building is leased by a company of drag queens and transvestites. They are amazing and I love when they decide to talk to me, like on the elevator ride down last night.
Tranny #1: OH honay, you smell just fabolous. What perfume is that?
me: Ha, oh thanks, but I’m not wearing any perfume.
Tranny #2: [smells me] Yes you are. It’s lovely.
me: I promise I’m not…. Oh wait! I know what it could be. I just put some baby powder in my hair because it was a little greasy. [trying to bond] Do you know about that trick, it’s great when…
Tranny #1: [interrupts me with a disapproving look] Okay, baby.
Tranny #2: [getting off the elevator, shaking his/her head] White bitches.
Tranny #1: So fucking crazy.
2 tags
“I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall, I know you’re not...”
– ~ Taylor Swift, “The Best Day”
4 tags
Ladies Who (Wedding) Brunch
me: [walk over to the mothers table] Hey, how’s it going over here?
Mom: [whispering] Oh my god, I am killing it over here with the stepmother-in-law. These people think I’m hilarious.
me: Preaching to the choir, woman. I came over to take a break. I’m exhausted.
Mom: How cute is my outfit? Did you see my belt?
me: How amazing are these boots?
2 tags
3 tags
Story of my Life
Coworker: [Pulls me out of client meeting.] Hey I'm so sorry to interrupt, but your cell phone has been ringing off the hook.
me: Oh God, I'm sorry. It's so loud.
Coworker: No it's fine, I just thought it might be important.
me: Thanks so much. [Pick up phone and see 7 missed calls from my mom, look at work line and see 5 missed calls. Panic that something is wrong and breathlessly dial her number.]
Mom: Hello?
me: Is everything okay?!
Mom: Oh hi! What size shirt does Pete wear?
me: ...[Hang up.]
3 tags
2 tags
My Best Friend's Wedding
Oscar: Hello, this is Morgan.
me: Hi Morgan, this is Elizabeth calling from Vera Wang, and I'm so sorry to bother you, but there’s been a mistake with your dress.
Oscar: You are such an asshole. I’m in a study group and stepped out of the room for this call.
me: I knew you would answer if I called from my New York number.
Oscar: I hate you.
me: Os, you are GETTING MARRIED in four days.
Oscar: I know. What are you doing?
me: Mentally preparing to tackle people for the bouquet when you toss it.
Oscar: Oh please, I know better than to do that. I’m just going to throw it straight to you from a foot away.
2 tags
4 tags
3 tags
1 tag
2 tags
2 tags
Tiger
My dad and brother are both intense golfers. And by “intense,” I mean if asked to choose between golf and breathing, they would have to think about it for a minute. My dad had Alex out on the golf course when he four years old, and they’ve never looked back. I’ve tuned out of countless family dinners where they narrated every single hole to each other– “Then I hooked it right, and I couldn’t...
3 tags
Playdate
Pete: I’m exhausted. Let’s go to bed.
me: Can’t.
Pete: Why?
me: I have to blow dry my hair, I’ll be quick I promise.
Pete: Okay. Do you have a meeting or something tomorrow?
me: Um…yeah.
Pete: Is it important?
me: Yes... [turn on the blow dryer]
Pete: With who? Your Spanish clients?
me: WHAT? [lying] I can’t hear you over the blow dryer.
Pete: Genna.
me: What. [turn off the blow dryer]
Pete: Are you blow drying your hair for the baby? Because we’re going to see her tomorrow? Tell the truth.
me: OKAY FINE. YES. Yes I am.
3 tags
2 tags
Overheard in the Office
Freelancer 1: Wait, did the Gates Foundation give us any money?
Freelancer 2: Yes. A significant amount.
Freelancer 1: Oh okay fine. CC Bill then. And Melinda.
Sometimes I don’t understand why people think New York is so A-team. Sometimes I do.
2 tags
2 tags
2 tags
2 tags
