November 2009
37 posts
October 2009
52 posts
4 tags
“Lately I feel like somebody made a big mess and I’ve got my mop and I’m mopping...”
– ~President Obama, just MOPPING SHIT UP. (Reuters)
2 tags
1 tag
La Roux - Bulletproof
This was on repeat all...
2 tags
Gossip Girl
me: If you gasp ONE MORE TIME when Serena and her boobs walk into a room, I'm going to smack you upside the head.
Pete: I'm sorry! They just keep surprising me!
2 tags
2 tags
True Confessions: I'm a Blondeaholic
I dyed my hair dark brown last December, which is the equivalent of cold-turkey rehab for a blondeaholic. I’ve already filled you in on what a pain in the ass it was, and how I decided to go back to natural blonde after about six months. It’s recently come to my attention (ahem, Kate, Pete and an alarming number of readers) that I’ve gone a little too far in the opposite...
5 tags
3 tags
2 tags
3 tags
2 tags
It's Possible That I Have a Problem
Pete: I had that lunch meeting and then Lauren stopped by with the baby, and t---
me: Wait – WHAT.
Pete: What?
me: Lauren brought the baby over!?
Pete: Yeah.
me: WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME?
Pete: Because you were at work.
me: I would have come home!
Pete: Okay, that’s a problem.
me: What was she wearing?
Pete: I think jeans—
me: Not Lauren, the baby.
Pete: Oh, a onesie.
me: What color?
Pete: Babe, she’s not a celebrity.
me: I know. She’s a baby. Which is better.
Pete: They had her in the thing where its attached to you - the Baby Born.
me: Baby Bjorn. Does she look bigger? Does she have better motor skills?
Pete: What does that mean?
me: Like was she able to hold her head up a little more?
Pete: Um, she still looked pretty floppy to me.
3 tags
Chip Off the Old Block
me: I'm so broke right now, but I NEED highlights. Like it's non-negotiable.
Mom: Well maybe you shouldn't have booked a trip to Chapel Hill this weekend.
me: Irrelevant. Will you please sponsor me? Think of it like a charity race.
Mom: You'll have to call your dad.
me: I did. He said he has no money right now because you totaled the car last week.
Mom: What? How insensitive. That was a really bad accident.
me: He said you did it on purpose to get a new car.
Mom: HE SAID THAT!?!
me: Yes.
Mom: So what do you think I should get?
1 tag
2 tags
NY Times: Held By The Taliban (Parts 1 - 5) →
This is so terrifying and fascinating. In that order.
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
“Hey, thanks for Mary being BFF on your blog and me being ‘Kate.’”
– ~ This is what happens when people stop being polite and start being trapped on a mothereffing bus to Bethesda with nothing but their iPhones
3 tags
Texts from the Short Bus
BFF: Where are you? I'm next to the bathroom and want to die.
me: I'm up towards the front. I can't belive we didn't get to watch What Happens in Vegas.
BFF: What do you think they'll play on this bus? I'm freezing back here.
me: Snakes on a Bus? It smells like roast beef up here.
BFF: It smells like icicles back here. Confessions of a Busaholic?
me: Brokedown Palace? It smells like contempt up here.
BFF: Homeslice near me has a box of Pepperidge Farm 'entertainment' medley cookies. Should I ask him for a mint milano?
4 tags
Trip From Hell Update
We’ve been transferred to a new janky bus where we lost our VIP front row seats and got split up amongst the original passengers who hate us for making them stop to save us. Apparently we can get off in Bethesda or Arlington. I’m just glad we’re alive, but Eufa is LIVID that we lost so much time.
4 tags
Inappropriate
me: Y'all, I am legitmately scared. It is so dangerous for the bus to sit on the side of the highway like this.
BFF: You know this is the kind of thing that really brings people together.
Kate: What are you talking about?
BFF: [looks dramatically towards the back of the bus] LET'S ROLL.
3 tags
“This is like Speed, but the opposite.”
– ~ BFF, as we sat perilously on the side of a New Jersey highway after our bus to D.C. broke down
2 tags
My Office is Full of Assholes
me: Ohhhhhhh, no.
Coworker: What?
me: They rewound and found footage of something falling from the balloon.
Coworker: So do you think its too soon to be him for Halloween?
2 tags
My Mentor
me: I can't come over for the call yet, there is a 6 year-old in a flying saucer in Colorado. [send balloon boy links]
Boss: Holy crap, HIS NAME IS FALCON.
me: Quit stealing all of my shit and putting it on your Twitter.
Boss: Nope.
me: You know, this isn't going to be funny if the kid dies.
Boss: Well, if he survives, it will be REALLY funny, and if he dies, it'll be funny in like 6 months.
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Steel Magnolias
Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.
1 tag
“Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small...”
– ~Clairee Belcher
2 tags
3 tags
A House Divided
My parents and brother are Republicans, and despite their every effort, my sister and I turned out to be raging liberals. This is disconcerting for my dad, but my mom tends to stay out of it. Until yesterday, when she sent me a slew of annoying right-wing FWD emails mocking the President, his healthcare plan and his Nobel Peace Prize. I deleted them all and asked her not to send me any more. She...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
My Father, The Senior Vice President
me: [work line rings] Good afternoon, this is Genna.
Papa: [in an absurd Irish accent] Good afternoon there, Genna. This is Eric O’Flaherty.
me: Hi Papa.
Papa: What are you doing?
me: I’m working, which you obviously are not.
Papa: I’m driving home to go see my dog.
me: Aw, Mom said she had some sort of allergic reaction.
Papa: Yeah, they put her on steroids.
me: Oh bless her heart.
Papa: She’s roided out. [starts singing elaborate made-up song about steroids in Irish accent]
me: [snorting] I’ve got to go. I’m still at work.
Papa: Bye. I’ll tell A-Rod you say hello.
1 tag
1 tag
3 tags
2 tags
“I am both surprised and deeply humbled by the decision of the Nobel committee....”
– ~ President Barack Obama
3 tags
3 tags
WatchThe Office Wedding
This was incredible.
2 tags
“Bus tickets have been bought, monster energy drinks are on ice, dancing shoes...”
– ~My friend Kate in an email to our buds this morning about our upcoming trip to D.C. next weekend. Eufa has never been to the Capitol before.
2 tags
2 tags
Warning: Wet Keyboard Ahead
I usually keep this blog fairly light on purpose, but I couldn’t help but post about something a little deeper this afternoon. I read two blogs about loss – one about the loss of a wife and mother (Matt, Liz and Madeline) and one about the loss of a daughter (The Sphors are Mulitiplying). They are poignant and gut-wrenching portraits of two amazing people’s journeys through grief and healing. ...
1 tag
Sea of Shoes Has a $400k/Year Shoe Budget* AND a... →
*all financials in this headline are my official estimates, and thus extremely accurate.
2 tags
Internal Monologue: Spring Street Edition
4: 29 pm: That brunch was so delicious. Is it too soon for ice cream? I feel like we finished at least 30 minutes ago.
4: 30 pm: Yeah, it’s definitely okay. There’s Mr. Softee! Don’tmindifIdo.
4: 35 pm: Sick, I hate Broadway. Sundays in Soho are such a cluster. GO BACK TO EUROPE. Top Shop is more expensive here anyway.
4: 37 pm: [tourists flailing their limbs and cameras about everywhere] Ima have to smack someone. Upside their head. Let me just finish this cone first.
4: 38 pm: Okay, time to pretend like I’m typing on my phone and just barrel through people.
4: 40 pm: [take a J Crew bag to the ribs] OWW. Ugh, three more blocks.
4: 42 pm: [using my peripheral vision while looking down at my phone] Oh, this bitch has no idea what she is doing.
4: 43 pm: [aforementioned bitch stops suddenly and blocks the two feet of open space I need to cross the street]
4: 43 pm: Hipcheck her out of my way or make the effort to dodge her?
4: 43 pm: [hipcheck her]
4: 43 pm: Ha! Excellent decision.
4: 43 pm: [look up] Oh. That’s LeAnn Rimes.
4: 43 pm: Should I say sorry?
4: 43 pm: I bet Eddie Cibrian isn’t sorry for ditching his wife and two kids. LeAnn certainly didn’t look sorry when they were tooling around on that golf cart mere days after announcing her separation. Dean definitely wouldn’t want me to say sorry. And he’s been through a lot lately, what with being gay and then losing his wife to the guy from Sunset Beach.
4: 43: ...I don’t FEEL sorry.
4: 44 pm: Yeah, I am not sorry.
2 tags
New York Post: Is Your Friend Toxic? →
This was the story we were interviewed and photographed for last week. It ended up being a negative, cheesy round-up on types of toxic friends. You can imagine our disappointment when the reporter emailed us to let us know we got cut at the last minute for being too nice and normal.
1 tag
