September 2008
30 posts
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Of Equal Importance to the Bailout Rejection:
BFF: what did you get at target?
me: crazy leggings, some boring work dresses, one going out top
BFF: what kinds of leggings?
me: you will judge me.
BFF: i will not.
BFF: what are they?
BFF: cough it up.
me: imayhaveboughtthoseleatherishleggingsbecauseiwanttolooklikeRihanna
BFF: o.m.g.
BFF: did you buy peeptoe booties too? be honest.
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I always violently overreact to situations. I freak out every time there’s a hint of something scary and always have. I know my family and friends think I’m just being dramatic, but it’s the most genuine and fundamental part of my personality, and I swear there’s nothing I can do about it. For Example:
When I was like three or four, I used to throw myself at my dad’s feet and beg...
A Memo Found in the Street →
dihard:
To: Washington, D.C. From: Wall Street Re: Credit Crisis
Although it seems like it, this didn’t happen overnight.
MGMT - Electric Feel Good morning!
Extracurriculars
Now that I’m all settled in the city (yeah it took me 8 months, what’s your point), I decided I need to get involved in some after school activities. I was thinking about volunteering at a hospital or teaching Sunday school again, but I’m going to do this instead. And this.
Lady Gaga - Just Dance Warning: May cause severe...
Blogs I Love
New York Mag: Daily Intel
Gawker
Jezebel
Go Fug Yourself Jake and Amir
What I Learned Today
Lolliblog The Nonsociety Girls (be careful: these are addictive)
Julia Allison
Mary Rambin
Meghan Asha Pink is the New Blog Mary Kate and Ashley
Go forth and get fired…
Would You Rather Tuesday
BFF: i felt like i had something to tell you earlier and now i can't remember
me: well reMEMber
me: also, we have more mice
me: caught two yesterday, three today
me: disgus.
BFF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BFF: seriously?!?!?!
me: i know. so so so OVER it.
me: how is your day going?
BFF: it's going well. my financial training test is OVER. whew.
me: do you feel like you ACED it?
BFF: no. absolutely not.
me: do you feel like we use ALL CAPS to feel powerful?
BFF: DEFINITELY.
me: i feel like the mice are crawling up my neck right now
BFF: i cant believe the mice are back
me: i think i'm going to get a cat. i hate cats.
me: just let it run loose for like a week and spread cat smell everywhere and then throw it out on the street when we’re mice-free
BFF: ewwwww
me: do you want it after I'm done? you can have it.
BFF: no.
BFF: would you take a FREE French bulldog -- and all the mice gone from your apartment -- but you'd have to shave off a beard every morning for six months
BFF: i mean YOUR beard. like, you would have one
me: beard.
1 tag
Also.
I saw Tom and Katie this weekend with my mom. Sans Suri. Almost blacked out. I thought for a second that this was going to come true.
So I’ve pretty much peaked in terms of celebrity sightings. Unless I get stuck in an elevator with Brangelina and co., I’m done.
Turns out I'm a Mac person.
After years and years of PCing it, I just got a Mac and I’m obsessed. The iPhone was my gateway gadget, and now I’ll do whatever Steve Jobs tells me to do for the rest of my life. Peace, gotta go sync my iCal.
Operation: Take Back the Night
Was extremely successful. It involved a little bit of Operation: Take a Very Large Sleeping Pill, but I slept for a solid eight hours and promise I won’t talk about mice anymore.
2 tags
Last Night’s Internal Monologue: Rodent Edition
1: 15 am: Okay, turn off the Oprah DVDs, you need to get some sleep.
1: 33 am: Just turn off the lights. You’re being ridiculous. The mice aren’t going to leap out onto your bed as soon as the room gets dark.
1: 36 am: Yes, turn them back on IMMEDIATELY. That was definitely one crawling under the covers by your feet.
1: 42 am: This sleep deprivation is making you insane. There aren’t any mice under the covers. You have tons of work to do tomorrow, go to sleep.
2: 33 am: [Dozing off] HOLY SHIT. Yep, definitely heard something! Turn on every light in the room and put the fan on high because that website said they stay away from vibrations. Calm down. Good plan -- you can just watch one more episode until your heart stops pounding.
2: 59 am: [Sobbing] I mean, Oprah is amazing. She is single-handedly giving thousands of little girls hope through education in South Africa. Note to self: Figure out how to go back to Africa and work at an orphanage tomorrow.
3: 01 am: Okay, awesome. Crying always makes you tired. Falling asleep will be cake now.
3: 29 am: Is that your hair brushing against your cheek or is it whiskers? It’s whiskers!! Throw all the covers off, knock off the lamp off the dresser and leap into your closet. Wait! They’re probably in the closet! Put on your rain boots until you figure out where that little M-effer went. You can pick up your sweaters tomorrow – that entire shelf needs to go in case it's back there. Shit, now they’re going to build nests in your sweaters! Pick them up. NOW!
3: 37 am: Where the eff did he go? Is that a hole? Definitely a hole. Put a big glue trap over that hole RIGHT NOW. Do it!
3: 43 am: Shiza, this glue trap is not coming off... Maybe Mom will feel sorry for you and your RAT TRAP wallpaper when she comes on Thursday.
4: 02: No, seriously, it’s not coming off. And now it’s ripped at the corners and your brush is wedged between it and the wall. Get in the bed, retard.
4: 48 am: This is definitely a good time to email all of your friends and boyfriend to complain about this situation. Effing iPhone wireless. This is taking too long to send. Is the mold behind the wallpaper preventing the signal from coming through? Does mold cause cancer? Or asthma? Stupid Google won’t load! HOW AM I EVER GOING TO KNOW??!?
5: 06 am: Why hasn’t anyone responded? WTF? Note to self: Get better friends and boyfriend.
5: 40 am: Maybe you could go to the office now and just sleep in the conference room until its time for work.
6: 09 am: Okay, you need to STOP freaking out every time the pillow or sheet brushes up against some part of your body. How can you combat this pattern?
6: 11 am: YES. Put on leggings, socks, a long sleeve shirt, a scarf, gloves, a hat and a washcloth over your face. You are brilliant. Why didn’t you think of this six hours ago?
6: 29 am: Holy mother of God, it’s hot in here.
7: 02 am: You’ll definitely be able to fall asleep if you put glue traps around the perimeter of your bed and just don’t move. This is a full-proof plan.
7: 24 am: Ohmigod, RELAX. You’re not being strangled by rogue mice, your scarf is just caught on one of the glue boards. Time for the traps to go back on the floor.
7: 26 am: Okay fine, you can keep that one by your pillow.
7: 58am: [Falls asleep]
8: 15 am: [Alarm goes off]
8: 16 am: MOTHER. EFFER.
WatchBrilliant.
Twelve down.
Not sure how many to go. You’d best start steppin, Mickey. Your brothers and sisters learned the hard way that we’re not messing around.
4 tags
Nadal Mystery Solved →
Who's On First
Me: Hello. Thirteenth between Eighth and Hudson, please.
Cabbie: Eighteenth between Tenth and Hudson?
Me: No, I said THIRTEENTH between Eighth and Hudson. One. Three.
Cabbie: You want to go twenty three street?
Me: Okay, please let me out.
2 tags
I'll give you a hundred dollars if you click this... →
My Civil War
I think I’m becoming a New Yorker because:
When I went home this weekend, all of my friends in Atlanta had Southern accents I never noticed before.
My completely insane (more than usual) cabbie caused another taxi to slam into my side of the car this morning, denting my door. I yawned and told the driver to stop the meter.
I saw Keanu Reeves in Wachovia today and forgot to tell anyone....