March 2008
25 posts
Picking Teams
In college, my roommate and I used to make really intense lists of who and what was “On Our Team,” and “Not On Our Team.” I just started my own updated versions.
On My Team
Captain: Oprah Winfrey
NYC street bagels
Rob & Big
The guy in my building that looks exactly like John Mayer
Stephanie Pratt
David Enchilada from American Idol
Juicy Juice
Emails sent with “Low...
Eric Clapton - Lay Down Sally
I love this song. ...
A Tale of Two Cabbies
YESTERDAY, O'HARE TO MY HOTEL
Chicago cab driver: Hello dear! How was your flight?
me: Great, thank you.
Chicago cab driver: Are you from here or just visiting?
me: Oh just visiting, but I kind of wish I lived here.
Chicago cab driver: Ahh, I love Chicago. We have the lake, the people are wonderful, the city is so clean and we have such beautiful buildings. You should definitely move here, we’d love to have you.
TONIGHT, JFK TO MY APARTMENT
NYC cab driver: Roll up your window now.
me: Um, no thanks, I am really hot.
NYC cab driver: (rolls up my window)
me: Could you please not do that? I’m really, really hot.
NYC cab driver: (no response)
me: No seriously, please unlock it and roll it back down right now.
NYC cab driver: (no response)
me: Ok fine. I’m not hot. Your cab smells like a combination of a Jolly Rancher, a foot and Axe body spray, and if you don’t roll down the damn window this second, we’re going to add vomit to the mix.
NYC cab driver: (cracks the window a centimeter and mumbles something under his breath that sounds like “go duck Joseph”), Blondie.
2 tags
I Heart JFK.
My flight to Chicago is delayed a solid three hours, but I just decided this is the best airport experience I’ve ever had. M&Ms + Diet Coke + One Tree Hill Season One on DVD = I hope my flight leaves sometime tomorrow.
Things I’ve learned in Terminal 6:
I’m not going to have children. Or if I do, they will be the opposite of all the children in my gate area. One toddler keeps running up...
“Yeah, that’s the first time I went to jail. I was 18 and rebelling against the...”
– Comedian from last night’s show
Awksfest 2k8
This will be another series I’m starting. In general, I’m a super awkward person. For example:
At work, there’s a hallway that leads to my cube from the other side of the office, but it’s right next to this guy’s office and the two doorways sort of look the same as you’re rounding the corner. As a result, I have now entered this man’s tiny office at FULL SPEED at least six times now.
I’ve...
Watchjakeandamir:
March Madness
Subway Shorts
The New York City subway system is ridiculous. I could write a book about everything that goes on down there. Instead, I’ll just post stories on this blog so that the six of you that read it can become intimately acquainted with the MTA.
I think my new favorite thing is when someone in front of me runs down the subway stairs to catch a train about to leave, but they miss it. They make this...
Pledging NYC
This city has hazed the hell out of me since I decided to move here. I’ve been hospitalized for food poisoning, caught the flu, had roommate bail at the last second*, caught the flu again, then got bronchitis and fainted in Duane Reade, got into a pretty bad cab accident, was robbed blind at a bar and most recently, fell down the spiral staircase in my apartment. I woke up this morning and am...
Open Letters re: Saturday Night
———————————————————————————————————————-
Dear taxi driver who I got in a wreck with on the way to Murcadito,
I’m sorry that other cab slammed into us and...
“If you ain’t got no money, take yo broke ass HOME.”
– I walked past two homeless men on the way to work this morning while I was blasting GLAMOROUS on my iPod.
I bet they hate that song.
Pump It Up
I was lucky enough to live down the street from a big park most of my life, so I’ve never been a gym rat. But this concrete jungle isn’t conducive to outdoor exercising, so I joined Crunch and discovered I don’t really fit in.
If I owned a gym, these would be the rules:
1. A zero-tolerance laughing policy is strictly enforced when I go too slow and get kicked off the back of the treadmill....
Really, Steve? →
This is the SATC trailer I was referencing below. I don’t care how cliche it is, I am GIDDY about the movie coming out.
Sometimes I catch myself swinging my bag and dashing across the street in my heels like Carrie. But then I feel like a toolbag when a cab honks, almost hits me and splashes sick street water on my jeans, so I’m going to stop.
2 tags
Mom's First G-Chat
me: Mom, did you watch the Sex and the City trailer?
Mom: Oh Hi, can you see me right now? No where is it?
me: hi! No, this is just instant messaging. I just sent the link to you, check your inbox
Mom: ok, aren't you impressed with me on chat!!!!!!!!!
me: no, you are way too slow, stop typing and go watch the trailer
Mom: Fine, is it goood?
me: SO GOOD
Mom: How did you type that back so FAST!
me: Mom.
Mom: OK I am going to go watch it now. bye bye
me: no don't go anywhere, just watch it and then tell me what you think
Mom: ok
Mom: I CAN"T WAIT!!!!!!!!WOW!!!!!YEAH!!!! when does it come out? It probably said, I am going to watch it again...
me: May 30th
Mom: I better get moving, talk to you soon, Love Mom
me: get moving where? what do you have to do today? i'm the one who has to get back to my job, I have to go
Mom: Work work work
me: you're ridic, lata playa
Mom: Bye, Lata playa
me: Mom don't copy me
Mom: Word
So, I have a blog now.
Everyone cool in NYC has a blog, and I’m definitely not hipster/emo/cynical/ace enough to have my own, but I’m doing it anyway. This is kind of like when I wouldn’t wear Rainbows for years because everyone at Wake had them, and then one day I just freaked out and bought four pairs.
I have no idea how it’s going to go, but we’ll see.